📋 Employee Handbook: Notolisc Management 📋
⚠️ MANDATORY READING FOR ALL PERSONNEL ⚠️
When people are told there is a Notolisc coming, there are a couple of reactions. Some pray. Others may be confused as to what is about to happen. But in summary: Chaos incarnate is about to happen.
The Derided Unknown's foot soldiers—the Notolisc—are commonly viewed as seemingly invincible fighters that can one moment go from wanting pats on the head to... trying to eat someone. Again.
⚔️ OFFICIAL RULES FOR ALL ORGANIZATION PERSONNEL ⚔️
⚠️ FAILURE TO FOLLOW THESE RULES MAY RESULT IN DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, OR WORSE ⚠️
1 Each Notolisc Gets a Handler!
At no point should a Notolisc not have one unless in containment! This is not optional. This is not negotiable. If you see an unattended Notolisc, YOU are now the handler. Congratulations.
2 Never Leave a Notolisc Unattended!
NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS!!! We do not need another politician found half-eaten... or buried... or burned...
*The Incident of 1847 is still classified. Do not ask about it.*
3 Don't Let the Notolisc Sunbathe Too Long!
They will get hyper. WE LIKE OUR BUILDINGS AS THAT... BUILDINGS!!!
Maximum sunbathing time: 15 minutes. After that, you're dealing with a hyperactive chaos machine with more energy than a supernova.
4 DO NOT KISS A NOTOLISC!!
WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE A RULE, PEOPLE?!?!
The hormone normally responsible for lust in Notolisc is instead responsible for RAGE. Kissing one WILL GET YOU KILLED AND SEND IT INTO A RAGE!!!!
We have lost seventeen personnel to this rule. SEVENTEEN. Stop being romantic. Start being alive.
5 Always Have a Few Good Toys on Hand
They like plushies, and it helps calm them down. A Notolisc with a stuffed animal is 60% less likely to commit arson. Those are good odds. Take them.
Recommended plushies: Dragons, wolves, anything with big eyes. DO NOT give them plushies of people they don't like. We learned this the hard way.
6 If Two Notolisc Get Into a Fight...
Just... just let it play out. It's not worth ending up like Jacob.
Jacob has a mechanical arm now.
Jacob is also missing an eye, three fingers on his remaining hand, and still has nightmares about "the spinning."
Do NOT be like Jacob. Let. Them. Fight.
🐉 What ARE the Notolisc? 🐉
The Notolisc are living contradictions. They are fierce warriors who can tear through enemy ranks like tissue paper, yet they will stop mid-battle to chase a butterfly. They are fiercely loyal to The Derided Unknown and Known himself, yet they operate on instinct that defies all logic.
Some say they were created as weapons. Others believe they are fragments of Known's chaotic essence given form. A few scholars theorize they are what happens when joy and violence occupy the same space.
What everyone agrees on: they are terrifying, adorable, unpredictable, and absolutely essential to The Derided Unknown's operations.
👑 Known's Relationship with the Notolisc 👑
Known treats the Notolisc like beloved pets who also happen to be weapons of mass destruction. He will pat them on the head, give them treats, and send them to dismantle entire organizations—sometimes in the same afternoon.
The Notolisc adore Known. They respond to his presence with what can only be described as "violent affection." He is the only being who can command them without a handler, calm them without plushies, and survive being hugged by seventeen of them at once.
There is a theory that the Notolisc can sense Known's joy and chaos, and they are drawn to it like moths to flame. Except the moths are invincible fighters, and the flame is a god who once tickled the Abyss and lived.
☠️ REMEMBER JACOB ☠️
DON'T BE LIKE JACOB
⚠️ FINAL WARNING ⚠️
The Notolisc are not pets. They are not soldiers. They are not monsters. They are something in between—something that defies categorization and common sense.
Treat them with respect. Give them plushies. DO NOT kiss them. DO NOT leave them unattended. DO NOT try to break up their fights.
Follow these rules, and you might survive your assignment.
Remember Jacob. Don't be like Jacob.
✨ In Conclusion ✨
Working with the Notolisc is an honor, a privilege, and a life-threatening nightmare wrapped in fur and chaos. They will protect you. They will terrify you. They will absolutely destroy your concept of "normal."
Welcome to The Derided Unknown. Your plushies are in the supply closet.
May Known's laughter shield you from the absurdity.