Version A: Crisis Opening (Original)
Opens with: Angelo bursting into Relana's cottage with dying Redkin
Structure: Crisis → Flashback to battle implied
Content:
Angelo burst through Relana's door. "Relana! I need you now!" He clutched a young boy in his arms. He had black hair. His armor was black and gold with intricate raised runes which were coated in blood.
Relana sat at her kitchen table. She had a needle and thread in her hands repairing her son's tunic...
[Continue with full chapter text...]
Pros:
- Immediate emotional stakes (dying boy)
- Mystery hook (what happened?)
- Introduces Relana's power quickly
Cons:
- Starts quiet/domestic
- Battle happens off-screen
- Readers don't see Redkin/Talveran reveal
- Less action-oriented opening
Version B: Battle Opening (REVISED - RECOMMENDED)
Opens with: Nodran and admirals riding to war
Structure: Battle → Redkin/Talveran reveal → Crisis at cottage
Content:
Nodran and his admirals were about ready to leave when a black knight came riding up to them. Nodran felt an odd aurora. He turned and looked at this knight. He was adorned in dark armor with intricate raised gold runes "Who are you?"
The horse came to a slow stop in front of the dragonborn. Redkin dismounted and knelt before Nodran. "I am Redkin Sire. I have been granted a set of armor by my mother so that I might fight alongside you."
[Continue with full battle sequence, Talveran reveal, Lilith appearing...]
Then transitions to: Angelo bursting into Relana's cottage
Pros:
- IMMEDIATE ACTION - hooks readers instantly
- VISUAL SPECTACLE - 100,000 soldiers, dragons, cosmic powers
- Talveran reveal - readers SEE Redkin is hosting the King of Nexus
- Angelo's betrayal shown - "You turned on your QUEEN!" (not told)
- Nodran's transformation - forced hybrid, kiss of death storm
- Lilith entrance - obsidian dragon establishes power scale
- Then crisis at cottage has CONTEXT
Cons:
- Longer chapter (battle + crisis)
- More complex for first chapter
📊 Comparative Analysis
Which Version Works Better?
For Book 21 of 25 (Convergence Book): Version B (Battle Opening)
Why Version B Wins:
- Book 21 needs SPECTACLE - This is the convergence point of 20 books
- Readers have context from Books 1-20 - They can handle complexity
- Shows don't tell - SEE Angelo's betrayal, Talveran's power, Nodran's transformation
- Action hook - Grabs readers who might be tired after 20 books
- Stakes are VISIBLE - 100,000 soldiers dying, kingdom falling
When Version A Would Work Better:
- If this were Book 1 (needs slower world-building)
- If focused on intimate character story (not epic convergence)
- If readers needed gentle introduction
Structure Recommendation:
Use Version B for Present Opening (Chapters 1-4)
Then flashback: "Twelve years earlier..." (Chapter 5+)
Why this structure works:
- Hook with action (Battle + Crisis)
- Mystery setup ("Who's Landon?" mentioned but not explained)
- Flashback pays off (Shows Nodran/Landon bond origin)
- Return to present (With full emotional investment)